One Liners

**You know, marriage is making a big comeback. I know personally that in Hollywood people are marrying people they never married before -- Bob Hope

**Have u ever noticed that anybody going slower than you is an idiot and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? -- George Carlin

**I am on that diet where you eat vegetables and drink wine. That's a good diet. I lost ten pounds and my driver's license -- Larry The Cable Guy

**I am not afraid of death. I just don't want to be there when it happens. -- Woody Allen

**In highschool, my sister went out with the captain of the chess team. My parents loved him.
They figured that any guy that took hours to make a move was okay with them -- Brian Kiley

** I went to booksotre and asked the saleswoman, 'where's the self-help section?" she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose -- Brian Kiley

** Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think...In a deeper voice --- Bill Cosby