Operator Overloading...

Desperate students during math exams

Be Aware

People are advised not to spend too much time sitting before computer system because the following things may happen in their future.

1. When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.
2. When counting objects, 0,1,2,3,4,5, 6,7,8,9,A, B,C,D..
3. At the superstore, you check to see if a kilogram is 1024 grams, a litre is 1024 mls.
4. When you dream, you are going to dream in 256 palettes of 256 colors.
5. When your wife says "If you don't turn off that damn machine and come to sleep, then I am going to divorce you!", you are going to scream at her for omitting the "else" clause.
6. You try to sleep, and think : sleep(8 * 60 * 60); /* sleep for 8 hours */
7. When you are reading a book, you would look for the scroll bar to get to the next page.
8. If you want to call somebody you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number...
9. You are going to look for an icon to double-click, to open your bedroom window.
10. When you go to balance your check book, you would discover that you'll be doing the math in octal.
11. You would look for a trash can icon to throw garbage.
12.When you get in the elevator you would double-click the button for the floor you want to go.

Amazing Facts

1. Coca-Cola was originally green.

2. The most common name in the world is Mohammed.

3 . The name of all the continents ends with the same letter that they start with.

4 . The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

5 . There are two credit cards for every person in the United States .

6. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

7. Women blink nearly twice as much as men!

8. You can't kill yourself by holding your breath ..

9. It is impossible to lick your elbow.

10. People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you Sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond.

11 . It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

12 . The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.

13. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to Suppress a sneeze; you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.

14 . Each king in a deck of playing cards represents great king from History. "Spades" - King David; "Clubs" - Alexander the Great; " Hearts" - Charlemagne; "Diamonds" - Julius Caesar.

15.

11 x 11=121

111 x111=12321

1111x1111=1234321

11111x11111= 123454321

111111x111111= 12345654321

1111111x1111111= 1234567654321

111111111x111111111 =123456787654321

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987, 654,321

16. If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle.
If the horse has a all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

17 What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers all have in common?
Ans. - All invented by women.

18. Honey - This is the only food that doesn't spoil.

19. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

20. A snail can sleep for three years.

21. All polar bears are left handed.

22. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.

23 . Butterflies taste with their feet.

24 Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.

25 . In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

26 . On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.

27 . Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.

28. Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.

29. The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

30. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

31 . The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
32 Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.

33. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.

34 . The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

35. Most lipstick contains fish scales.

36 . Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different
-
37. And finally 99% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.

Knowledge is to be shared & enjoyed ....

Good Management

Scientists at the Rocket launching station in Thumba, were in the habit of working for nearly 12 to 18 hours a day. There were about Seventy such scientists working on a project. All the scientists were really frustrated due to the pressure of work and the demands of their boss but everyone was loyal to him and did not think of quitting the job.
One day, one scientist came to his boss and told him - Sir, I have promised to my children that I will take them to the exhibition going on in our township. So I want to leave the office at 5 30 pm.
His boss replied - O K, , You are permitted to leave the office early today.
The Scientist started working. He continued his work after lunch. As usual he got involved to such an extent that he looked at his watch when he felt he was close to completion.The time was 8.30 p.m Suddenly he remembered of the promise he had given to his children. He looked for his boss,,He was not there. Having told him in the morning itself, he closed everything and left for home.
Deep within himself, he was feeling guilty for having disappointed his children. He reached home. Children were not there.His wife alone was sitting in the hall and reading magazines. The situation was explosive, any talk would boomerang on him.
His wife asked him - Would you like to have coffee or shall I straight away serve dinner if you are hungry.
The man replied - If you would like to have coffee, i too will have but what about Children???
Wife replied- You don't know - Your manager came at 5 15 p.m and has taken the children to the exhibition.

What had really happened was

The boss who granted him permission was observing him working seriously at 5.00 p.m. He thought to himself, this person will not leave the work, but if he has promised his children they should enjoy the visit to exhibition. So he took the lead in taking them to exhibition The boss does not have to do it everytime. But once it is done, loyalty is established.
That is why all the scientists at Thumba continued to work under their boss eventhough the stress was tremendous.
By the way , can you hazard a guess as to who the boss was????????
He was A P J Abdul Kalam, Former President of India.

Again a thought!!!

AFTER READING THE Michael Jordan's STATEMENT, I AM TEMPTED TO WRITE SOME TRUTH OF MY LIFE TOO....)

I have corrupted more than 9,000 programs in my career. I have crashed almost 300 computers. On 26 occasions I have been entrusted to deliver program on deadline... and I missed. I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that's precisely why I am still here!!!
---Software Engineer

A thought!!!

"I have missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occasions I have been entrusted to take the game winning shot... and I missed. I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that's precisely why I succeed."
---Michael Jordan
(1993-, American Basketball Player, Actor)

Marriage!!!

Wife : Honey ..... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour ..??
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.
***********************************************
Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other ensures U Continue to do so.
***********************************************
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.

slpeling not ipmorantt!

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

Polish English :-)

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect,they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

Have you any grounds?
Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
It made of concrete.

I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?
No, we have carport, and not need one.

I mean. What are your relations like?
All my relations still in Poland.

Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.

Does your wife beat you up?
No, I always up before her.

Is your wife a nagger?
No, she white.

Why do you want this divorce?
She going to kill me.

What makes you think that?
I got proof.

What kind of proof?
She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf
in bathroom. I can read, and it say:

"Polish Remover".

Marriage PL/SQL

CREATE PROCEDURE MyMarriage
@BrideGroom Char(NotBad),
@Bride Char(Good)
AS

SELECT Bride FROM MyCastBrides
WHERE
FatherInLaw = 'Millionaire' AND
CarCount > 2 AND
HouseStatus ='TwoStoreyed' AND
BrideEduStatus='PGorAbove'
HavingBrothers='NO' AND
HavingSisters ='No' AND
AllowRelocate ='YES' AND ;

SELECT Gold ,Cash,Car,BankBalance FROM FatherInLaw;

UPDATE MyBankAccout SET MyBal = MyBal + FatherinLawBal ;

UPDATE MyLocker SET MyLockerContents = MyLockerContents + FatherinLawGold;

INSERT INTO MyCarShed VALUES ('Ford');

END;

Wet Pants

Come with me to a third grade classroom.....

There is a nine-year-old kid sitting at his desk and all of a sudden, there is a puddle between his feet and the front of his pants are wet. He thinks his heart is going to stop because he cannot possibly imagine how his has happened. It's never happened before, and he knows that when the boys find out he will never hear the end of it. When the girls find out, they'll never speak to him again as long as he lives.
The boy believes his heart is going to stop; he puts his head down and prays this prayer, "Dear God, this is an emergency! I need help now! Five minutes from now I'm dead meat."
He looks up from his prayer and here comes the teacher with a look in her eyes that says he has been discovered. As the teacher is walking toward him, a classmate named Susie is carrying a goldfish bowl that is filled with water. Susie trips in front of the teacher and inexplicably dumps the bowl of water in the boy's lap.
The boy pretends to be angry, but all the while is saying to himself, "Thank you, Lord! Thank you, Lord!" Now all of a sudden, instead of being the object of ridicule, the boy is the object of sympathy.
The teacher rushes him downstairs and gives him gym shorts to put on while his pants dry out. All the other children are on their hands and knees cleaning up around his desk. The sympathy is wonderful. But as life would have it, the ridicule that should have been his has been transferred to someone else - Susie.
She tries to help, but they tell her to get out. "You've done enough, you klutz!"
Finally, at the end of the day, as they are waiting for the bus, the boy walks over to Susie and whispers,
"You did that on purpose, didn't you?"
Susie whispers back, "I wet my pants once too."

May God help us see the opportunities that are always around us to do good.
Remember.....Just going to the mosque/church/temple doesn't make you a Muslim/ Christian/ Buddhist any more than standing in your garage makes you a car.
Each and everyone one of us are going through tough times right now, but God is getting ready to bless you in a way that only Almighty can.
Keep the faith.

I Wish I could Use Computers in Real Life...

1) 5 minutes ago you were traveling to office at 80 mph in your brand new car. Now you are traveling to hospital at double the speed in an ambulance. You wish there was 'UNDO' in life!

2) You are already late, and your key is missing, You wish there was 'FIND TOOL' in life!

3) You are a bankrupt, after investing in some weird business, You wish there was 'REBUILD ALL' in life!

4) The train is so crowded that you cannot get anywhere near that nice girl at the other end, You wish there was 'ZOOM AND VIEW FULL SCREEN' in life!

5) One day you realize that you are turning bald, You wish there was 'CUT & PASTE' in life..

And the best one is .............

6) After marriage you realize that there is bound to be a mismatch, You wish there was an 'EVALUATION PERIOD' or at least a 'SAMPLE DOWNLOAD' or a 'DEMO VERSION'!

Bill Gates Mantra!

RULE 1 - Life is not fair; get used to it.

RULE 2 - The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect
you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

RULE 3 - You will NOT make 40 thousand dollars a year right out of high school.
You won't be a vice president with a car phone, until you earn both.

RULE 4 - If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. He doesn't have tenure.

RULE 5 - Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different
word for burger flipping, they called it opportunity.

RULE 6 - If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, So don't whine about your mistakes,
learn from them.

RULE 7 - Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now.
They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to
you talk about how cool you are. So before you save the rain forest from the
parasites of your parents' generation, try "delousing" the clothes in your own room.

RULE 8 - Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has not.
In some schools they have abolished failing grades; they will ask as many times as
you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to
ANYTHING in real life.

RULE 9 - Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few
employers are interested in helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time.

RULE 10 -Television is NOT real life! In real life people actually have to leave the coffee
shop and go to jobs.

RULE 11 - Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

A Good Thought

Arthur Ashe, the legendary Wimbledon player was dying of AIDS. From world over, he received letters from his fans, one of which conveyed : "Why does GOD have to select you for such a bad disease"? To this Arthur Ashe replied:

The world over --
5 crore children start playing tennis,
50 lakh learn to play tennis,
5 lakh learn professional tennis,
50,000 come to the circuit,
5000 reach the grand slam,
50 reach Wimbeldon,
4 to semi final,
2 to the finals,

When I was holding a cup I never asked GOD "Why me?".
And today in pain I should not be asking GOD "Why me?"
Be thankful to GOD for 98% of good things in life.

Love Program in C

#include
#include


main()
{
goto college;
scanf("100%",&ladies);

if(lady == MAAL)
line++;
while( !reply )
{
printf("I Love U");
scanf("100%",&reply);
}

if(reply == "GAALI")
main(); /* go back and repeat the process */

else if(reply == "SANDAL ")
exit(1);

else if(reply == "I Love U")
{
lover = MAAL;
love = (heart*)malloc(sizeof(lover));
}

goto restaurant;

restaurant:
{
food++;
smile++;
pay->money = lover->money;
return(college);
}

if(time==2.30)
goto cinema;

cinema:
{
watch++;
touch++ ;
if(intermission)
{
coke++;
smoke++;
}
}

if(time ==6.00)
goto park;

park:
{
for(time=6.30;time<=8.30;time+=0.001)
kiss = kiss+1;
}

free(lover);
return(home);

if(time ==9.30)
goto pub;

pub:
{
friends++;
party++;
booze++;
smoke++;
if(pub.close())
{
pay->bill;
come->out;
}
}

if (highly->intoxicated)
goto friendsroom;
else
{
sweetpan++;
polo++;
goto home;
}

friendsroom:
{
goto sleep;
}

home:
{
if(mom.shouts())
{
reason=(combinedstudy || projectwork || friendsbday);
say->reason;
}
if(dad.shouts())
shut->yourmouth;

call->lover;
if(phone->voice==(lover_dad->voice || lover_mom->voice))
{
hang++;
}
else if(phone->voice==lover->voice)
{

for(time=12:30;time<=1.30;time+=0.001)
{
say->ILuvU;
scanf("100%",&reply); /* "I Love U" already stored in reply */
}
}
goto sleep;
}

sleep:
{
*(dream)=love;
}
}

Cool Pictures

These are priceless!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nice Ice Work!!!

Log-in & logout time in companies

Letter To Ex-Girlfriend..

Dear Monisha,
Thanks for being my love for one and half years, when you receive this letter I believe you might have selected a new boy friend and started enjoying your dating dating. Every lovers need needs to struggle a bit to get a boy friend or girl friend. Monisha … In order to recover your missing, I got another girl from next street & as you know this is my forth love love, from all my past experience experiences I have learned a lot. When the love blossom blossoms everyone starts writing love letter letters, you know very well , well… I have written many love letter to you , and writing a love letter in poetic way is not so easy nowadays MONISHA , and it’s a time
consuming work. In order to avoid all this I need all my lover letters back so that I can put correcto corrector and send to my new girl friend , please send it back to me , I don’t have poetic references or any photocopy of these letters.

Another thing MONISHA, I have given you one cute photo of mine , can you send it to me please , you know better that this i is the only photo I look very s cute & handsome and this photo I have taken when I was in my very first love. And also, during my 1 ½ years of love days I have
spend l lot of monies ot for impressing you , I am attaching a list of expenses which I request you to clear it at the earliest earliest. The expenses are as follows: Lunch / Dinner ; 895, Cool
Drinks 2938 Rs, Snacks 5645 Rs. , Juice 3845 Rs. Cinema 1235Rs. Internet Chatting 1499 Rs. , Mobile 2546 Rs. Petrol 4255 Rs. Gift Items 7850 Rs, - Grand Total : 30,708 rs (in Words : Thrity Thousand Seven Hundred and Eight Rupees). Please try to clear the above amount so that I can spend these monies on my new girl friend, and more over if you have any of my gift lying with you, am ready to take these packs in half prices. Please lease calculate the value
of pack packs left over and deduct it from the above statements of account account.

I am enclosing herewith your love letters (Weigh around 4 Kg) so that you no need to write again to your boy friend and your photo so that you can give to y your new our BF.
Also, please advise your expenses which incurred during our dates, I don’t think you have got any expenditure during these dates, I have seen many time that you always forget your purse when it comes to pay pay.
Anyway I hope you will clear the above outstanding at the earliest and wishing you a very wonderful 6th th love affair with Subil Subil.
Your Ex Ex-lover ….
Manaasu
manaasu@hotmail.com

A Very Good Management Funda!!!

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops - a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.
At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, ' Big John doesn't pay!' and sat down at the back.
Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it. The next day the same thing happened - Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the next.
This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him. Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff. By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what's more, he felt really good about himself. So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said, ' Big John doesn't pay!'

The driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and screamed, ' And why not?' With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, ' Big John has a bus pass.'

Management Lesson: 'Be sure there is a problem in the first place before working hard to solve one.'

Why girls don’t love software guys!!!

Heights...

1. What is height of Secrecy?
Offering blank visiting cards.

2. What is height of Laziness?
Adopt a child.

3. What is height of Craziness?
Getting a black paper Xeroxed.

4. What is height of Forgetfulness?
Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.

5. What is height of Stupidity?
A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.

6. What is height of Honesty?
A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.

7. What is height of Suicide?
A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.

8. What is height of De-hydration?
A cow giving milk powder

Men Funny

Q: What is the difference between men and puppies?
A: Puppies grow up.

Q: Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
A: Because they are...

Q: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?
A: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.

Q: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one would
hit the ground first?
A: Who cares?????.....

Q: What did God say after he created man?
A: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!!!.

Q: What's the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO ?
A: I don't know, I've never seen either.

Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
A: i) no mind ii) no business

Q: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
A:! Because even back then men wouldn't ask for directions .

Q: What is the difference between men and pigs?
A: Pigs don't turn into men when they drink...

Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have no
intention of driving.

Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift?
A: Exchange him!!

Q: Why do men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.

Little Johny

TEACHER: Johny, how do you spell "crocodile"?
L-JOHNY: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
L-JOHNY: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!

TEACHER: Johny, why do you always get so dirty?
L-JOHNY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.

Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's
Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father
didn't punish him?"
L-Johny: "Because George still had the axe in his hand."

L-Johny: Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father : No. Why do you ask that?
L-Johny: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?

Teacher: Now, Johny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
L-Johny: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
L-Johny: A teacher

What Do Unborn Babies Think Of?

New Wife cooks...

Monday:

Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It's fun to cook for Tim.
Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, "beat 12 eggs separately."
Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow 12 bowls to beat the eggs in.
The cake turned out fine though.

Tuesday:

We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, "serve without
dressing."
So I didn't dress. But Tim happened to bring a friend home for supper that
night. They both looked so startled when I served them,I think it was the salad.

Wednesday:

I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, "wash thoroughly
before steaming the rice." So I heated some water and took a bath before steaming the rice.
Sounded kinda silly in the middle of the day. I can't say it improved the
rice anyhow.

Thursday:

Today Tim asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe.
It said, prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving."
I hunted all over the place for a garden and when I got one, I tossed my
salad into the bed of lettuce and stood over there for over one hour so the
dog would not take it. Tim came over and asked if I felt all right. I wonder why? He must be
stressed at work, I'll try to be supportive.

Friday:

Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it."
Beat it I did,to my mum's place. There must have been something wrong with
the recipe, because when I came back home again, it looked the same as when I left it.

Saturday:

Tim went shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it
for Sunday. I'm sure I don't know how hens dress for Sunday. I never noticed back on
the farm, but I found an old doll dress and it's little cute shoes. I thought the hen looked really cute. When Tim saw it, he started counting to ten. Either he was really stressed because of his work,or he wanted the chicken to dance.
When I asked him what was wrong he started crying and shouting out "why me?
why me ?"
Hmmm....It must be his job.

Crazy Me!!

Typography

10 Ways to Terrorize a Telemarketer

Number 10:

When they ask "How are you today?" Tell them! "I'm so glad you asked
because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my
arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died."

Number 9:

If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their
name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is
located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their
company for as long as necessary.

Number 8:

Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you
been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of pause as she
tries to figure out where the hell she could know you from.

Number 7:

If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends plan,
reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends...
would you be my friend?"

Number 6:

If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and
you could sure use some money.

Number 5:

Tell the telemarketer you are on "home arrest" and ask if they could bring
you a case of beer and some chips.

Number 4:

After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When
they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit
card number to a complete stranger.

Number 3:

Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them if they will
give you their HOME phone number so you can call them back. When the
telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their HOME number, you say
"I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The
telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!"

Number 2:

Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on
Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

And first and foremost:
Number 1:

Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.

Frustrated of Spam mails

I wanted to thank all my friends and family who have forwarded
chain letters to me in 2003 & 2004. Because of your kindness:

* I stopped drinking Coca Cola after I found out that it's good for
removing toilet stains.

* I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected
with AIDS.

* I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they
cause cancer.

* I don't leave my car in the parking lot or any other place and sometimes
I even have to walk about 7 blocks for fear that someone will drug me with
a perfume sample and try to rob me.

* I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they may ask me to dial
a stupid number and the I get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda,
Singapore and Tokyo.

* I also stopped drinking anything out of a can for fear that I will get
sick from the rat feces and urine.

* When I go to parties, I don't look at any girl no matter how hot she is,
for fear that she will take me to a hotel, drug me then take my kidneys and
leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

* I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that
was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times. (Funny that girl, she's
been 7 since 1993...)

* I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I made expecting the $15,000
that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I participated in
their special e-mail program would arrive soon.

* My free Nokia phone never arrived and neither did the free passes for a
paid vacation to Disneyland.

* Tired of calling divya singh (Siemens employee) who needs help for her hubby
suffering from Lung cellular cancer especially when she was not married!!

PJs (Poor Jokes)

Q.How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack (u shud know that)!

Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall,how long would it take
four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built (think ahead).

Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples
and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands. (Good 1 na?)

Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one
hand.

Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. He sleeps at night.

Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. Wet. (sorry abt this)

Q. What looks like half an apple?
A. The other half.

Q. What can you never eat for breakfast?
A. Dinner.

Q. What gets wet with drying?
A. A towel.

Q.. What happened when wheel was invented?
A: It caused a revolution.

Q. Why is it easy to weigh a fish?
A: Because it has its own scales.

Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A: Liquid

Q: what is the opposite of Nagpanchmi?
A: Nag did not punch me. (This is an old 1)

Q: Now what is the inverse of Nagpanchmi? Come on..
A: I punched Nag. (This is a new 1, ain't it?)

Q: Chintu's mom has three sons.What is the name of the other two?
A: Chin-1 & Chin-3 (maaf, this was the worst)

Makeup!!!

A 45 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience.
Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a
face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had
someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth!
Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well
make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.
While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another
43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"

You'll love this!!! ......

God replied: "I didn't recognize you!!!!!!!!!!"

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