Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Just how cold Antartica is???

The water froze the instant the wave broke through the ice. That's what it is like in Antarctica. Water freezes the instant it comes in contact with the air. The temperature of the water is already some degrees below freezing. Just look at how the wave froze in mid-air...

1GB RAM...Then and NOW

All with a single stroke of a pen!

I am simply amazed at this!!!

Biggest Man Made Machine

This is biggest man made machine. Especially large bucket-wheel excavators, over 200 meters long and up to 100 meters in height, are used in German strip-mining operations, and are the largest earth-movers in the world. These tremendous machines can cost over $100 million, take 5 years to assemble, require 5 people to operate, weigh more than 13,000 tons, and have a theoretical capacity of more than 12,000 m³/h.

Driving License Please!!!

Nature's Smile

Monday, January 14, 2008

Come Fly with us!!!

Two blind pilots board the plane wearing dark glasses. One is using
a guide dog and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.

Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door
closes and the engines start up.

The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that
this is just a little practical joke. No one is forthcoming.

The plane moves faster and faster down the runway and the people sitting in
the window seats realize they're headed straight for the water at the edge of
the airport. As it begins to look as though the plane will plough into the
the water, panicked screams fill the cabin.

At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and
laugh a little sheepishly and soon all retreat into their magazines,secure in
the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.

In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says, "Ya know,
Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and we're all gonna die."

Learn Chineese in 5 min.

OK read the English meaning and then "OUT LOUD" say the Chinese words...

(You MUST read them out loud or it doesn't make as much sense)...

That's not right.................................... Sum Ting Wong

Are you harboring a fugitive................... Hu Yu Hai Ding

See me ASAP.......................................... Kum Hia Nao

Small horse........................................ Tai Ni Po Ni

Did you go to the beach?....................... Wai Yu So Tan

I bumped in to a coffee table........... Ai Bang Mai Ni

I think you need a face lift...................... Chin Tu Fat

It's very dark in here.............................. Wao So Dim

I thought you were on a diet............... Wai Yu Mun Ching

This is a tow away zone....................... No Pah King

staying out of sight.............................. Lei Ying Lo

He's cleaning his automobile................ Wa Shing Ka

Your body odor is offensive.................. Yu Stin Ki Pu

Great................................................. Fa Kin Su Pah

The truth!!!

Little Johnny lived in the country. They had to use an outhouse, and Little Johnny hated it because it was hot in the summer and cold in the winter and stank all the time. The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and Johnnie determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the creek.

One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so Little Johnny decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. So he got a large stick and started pushing. Finally, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away.
That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper. Knowing that meant a spanking, Little Johnny asked why.

The dad replied, "Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn't it son"?

Little Johnny answered yes.

Then he thought a moment and said, Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn't get into trouble because he told the truth.

His dad replied, Well, son, George Washington's father wasn't in the cherry tree.

Ever Wonder...

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and read on.

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

why "abbreviated" is such a long word?

why doctors call what they do "practice"?

why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?

why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?

why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?

who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?

why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box?

why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?

why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?

Do you ever wonder why you are reading this thread in the first place?

Intelligent Dean

One Night 4 MBA Students Were drinking Till Late Night and didn't study
for the test which was scheduled for the next day.
In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty and weird as they could
with grease and dirt. They then went up to the dean and said that they had
gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tyre of their car
burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no
condition to appear for the test.

So the dean said they can have the retest after 3 days. They said they
will be ready by that time. On the third day they appeared before the dean.
The dean said that this was a special condition test. All four were required
to sit in separate classrooms for the test. They all agreed as they had
prepared well in the last three days.

The test consisted of 2 questions with total of 100 marks.

Q .1. Your Name ............ ......... ....( 2 Marks )
Q.2. Which Tyre Burst ............ ...( 98 Marks ).

o Front Left
o Front Right
o Back Left
o Back Right ....!!!

How Narayan Murthy reached the top of Infosys

Keep your mouth shut!!!

Once upon a time, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.

One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood (the woodcutter and the axe), he started praying to the River Goddess.

The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.

As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, "Is this your computer ?" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, "No."

She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his.

Annoyed, the engineer said "No, not at all!!"

Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his.

The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said "Yes."

The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own ?"

The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the
Billennium, the latest computers from IBM!". So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!

Moral: If you're not up-to-date with technology trends, it's better keep
your mouth shut and let people think you're a fool than to open your mouth
and remove all doubt . . .


Over the past several years, we have all learned to live with IVRS - "Inter-active Voice Response System"? as a necessary part of modern life. I was just wondering what would happen if God decides to go hi-tech and installs voicemail? I gave it a lot of thought and came up with various scenarios:

Let us imagine a scenario. You dialed God's number.

"Hi! Thank you for calling God. Please select one of the following:

If you are Christian, dial 1
All Hindus, dial 2
All Muslims, dial 3
All others, dial 0."

So, lets say you are a Hindu and you dialed 2. Here is what you hear:

Press 1 for Request
Press 2 for Thank you messages for God
Press 3 for Complaints about unfulfilled promises
Press 4 for All other inquiries.
If your prayers are still not answered, dial '0' and ask for Naradmuni."

Or, if all Gods were busy, you might hear this:
"We are sorry, all Gods are busy helping other Bhaktas and Sinners. However, your prayer is important to us and your prayer will be answered in the order it was received. Please stay on line. One of the Gods will be with you soon."

Or, it could even go this way when you start praying:?
"If you know your God's extension, dial it now."

Or, you might hear this:
"If you would like to speak to Ganeshji, Press 1.
For Lord Hanuman, Press 2.
For Lord Krishna, Press 3.
To confess your sins, press 4.
To ask for favors, Press 5."

Or, you might even hear this:
"You have reached Lord Krishna 's extension. I am going to be away to conduct a special yuddha to save the humanity and will be away until the year 2012. If this is something urgent and cannot wait until then, call Shankara at GB +44? 779000020000 Call. If you want to speak to someone else, for other gods' directory, Press 6 now."

Or you might even hear something like this if you call toward the end of your life cycle:

"If you think you have reservations at our Heavenly Resort, please provide your name, social security number and be ready to provide the proof of your eligibility. If you do not have the proof of eligibility, please dial 420-HELL and ask for General Manager Ravana, who will be happy to help you."

Or, depending on the purpose of your call, you might hear this:
"If you are calling to find out if a loved one has been assigned to Heaven, Press? 5, enter his or her 'mantra'
number, then press the 0 key. If you get a negative response, try area code 420-HELL."

For all you know in this day and age of quotas and all, you might even get a response like this:
"Our computer records show that you have already prayed once today. Please hang up and try again tomorrow."

Or you might even here this if you call on the wrong day:?
"This Main Office of Heaven is closed for DIWALI holidays. If this is an emergency, you may try our Himalayan Retreat in the mean time by dialing 6000-31,000."

So, let us hope and pray that God never learns about computers? And? IVR systems - because if he does, we are in
BIG trouble!

CIA Job Opening

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists, two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!"
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. Then the agents heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said,
"This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."

Are you drunk???

One Liners

**You know, marriage is making a big comeback. I know personally that in Hollywood people are marrying people they never married before -- Bob Hope

**Have u ever noticed that anybody going slower than you is an idiot and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? -- George Carlin

**I am on that diet where you eat vegetables and drink wine. That's a good diet. I lost ten pounds and my driver's license -- Larry The Cable Guy

**I am not afraid of death. I just don't want to be there when it happens. -- Woody Allen

**In highschool, my sister went out with the captain of the chess team. My parents loved him.
They figured that any guy that took hours to make a move was okay with them -- Brian Kiley

** I went to booksotre and asked the saleswoman, 'where's the self-help section?" she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose -- Brian Kiley

** Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think...In a deeper voice --- Bill Cosby

Mobile subscriber

A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that she was out of credit, She instructed her son to use his own phone to pass across an urgent message to his daddy who was on site.

After junior had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that there was a lady that picked up daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching dad on the mobile.


She waited impatiently for her husband to return from work and upon seeing him in the driveway, she rushed out and gave him a tight slap, and she slapped him again, for good measure.

People from the neighborhood rushed around to find out what the cause of the commotion was.

The woman asked junior to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called.

Junior said

"The subscriber you have dialed is not available at present. Please Try Again Later"...

Some Realities of life

Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.

The road to success ??.. is always under construction.

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.

In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.

All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening.

Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.

Everyone has a scheme of getting rich.. Which never works.

If at first you don't succeed.. Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.

You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it always lands on the buttered side.

Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.

42.7% of all statistics are made on the spot.

If you have paper, you don't have a pen ?? If you have a pen, you don't have paper ?? If you have both, no one calls.

If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance.

You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.

After a long wait for bus no.20, two 20 number buses will always pull in together and the bus which you get in will be crowded than the other.

The last person to be fired or quit is responsible for all the errors until another person is fired or quits.

Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker.

2B or not 2B ? I think it's a grade of pencil.

A baby sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.

A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it's two-tired.

A boy, frustrated with all the rules he had to follow, asked his father, "Dad, how soon will I be old enough to do as I please?"
The father answered immediately, "I don't know. Nobody has lived that long yet."

A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward.

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

A candidate is someone who gets money from the rich and votes from the poor to protect them from each other.

Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae.
The rset can be a tatol mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognised.

A cigarette is a pinch of tobacco, wrapped in paper, fire at one end, fool at the other.

A city is a large community where people are lonesome together.

A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.

A computer is almost human - except that it does not blame its mistakes on another computer.

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

A cynic is someone who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

A diplomatic husband said to his wife, "How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older ?"

A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be Gods !
A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a God !

Adolescence and snow are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong.
A tax is a fine for doing well.

--------------- THE END ( for now !! ) -------------------------------

Sunday, January 13, 2008

The Obedient Wife...

There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real "miser" when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife..."When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there - dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a moment!"

She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away.

So her friend said, "Girl, I know you were not fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband."

The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian; I cannot go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money into the casket with him." You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!?!?!?"

"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account, and wrote him a check.... If he can cash it, then he can spend it."

How to break a bad news!!!

At dawn the telephone rings.
"Hello, Master Carlos? This is Arnaldo your country house caretaker"
"Ah yes, Mr. Arnaldo. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"
"Um, I am just calling to advise you, sir, that your parrot died"
"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the competition?"
"That's the one."
"Darn! That's such a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. Oh well...what did he die from?"
"From eating rotten meat."
"Rotten meat? Who was so mean as to give him meat?"
"Nobody. He ate the meat of one of the dead horses."
"Dead horse? What dead horse Mr. Arnaldo?"
"Why, those pure breed ones that you had, sir. They died from all that work pulling the water cart."
"Are you insane? What water cart?"
"The one we used to put out the fire."
"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"
"The one at your house! A candle fell and then the curtain caught on fire."
"What the...!!! But there's electricity at the house!!!! What was the candle for???"
"For the funeral."
"Your mother's! She showed up one night out of the blue and I thought she was a thief, so I shot her."

A Little Indian Boy

A little boy wanted Rs.50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Finally he decided to write God a letter requesting the Rs.50.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, INDIA, they decided to forward it to the President of India as a joke.

The President was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy Rs.20. The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy, and he did not want to spoil the kid.

The little boy was delighted with Rs.20, and decided to write a thank you note to God, which read:

"Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that you sent it through the 'Rashtrapati Bhavan in New Delhi', and those donkeys deducted Rs.30 in taxes ....."

Honest Employee

You Gotta Love The Scots

Bono, lead singer of the rock band U2, is famous throughout the entertainment industry for being more than just a little self-righteous.

At a recent U2 concert in Glasgow , Scotland , he asked the audience for total quiet.

Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds.

Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone, 'Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.'

A voice with a broad Scottish accent from the front of the crowd pierced the quiet... 'Well, stop doin it then, ya evil man!'

Pepsi and Cola